Why Hylians Are Not Allowed to Drive
by Maximus- Reborn
Summary: After a chaotic morning, Snake feels that the day can't get any worse. Unfortunately, things take a turn for the worse when he puts Link behind the wheel of the car.


_**Well, it has been a while, no? First off, this story came to me in a dream, and I thought it was down right hilarious. It is pretty short, but I hope you guys enjoy it. **_

_**Disclaimer - I do not own Nintendo or Konami. I wish I did, but alas... I do not.**_

"_**Danger Behind the Wheel"**_

It was such a quiet day for the former spy of Foxhound. In fact, he hoped everyday would be like this one. Unfortunately, he could not stay like that for long. Today was the day that he and Link would go on their road trip to the National Gaming Convention.

Snake was not too thrilled about the trip, but this was the perfect chance to get that special thing that had eluded his grasp for so long...

However, something kept rattling his nerves. He could not put his finger on it, but he knew he would figure it out right when it was too late. Unfortunately, whenever it came to Link, that was a normal circumstance.

Snake let out a frustrated sigh. "Where is that damn elf anyway?"

– _**Outside of the Smash Bros HQ –**_

There was so much food. Link was outside packing everything into the car. The entire backseat of the car was filled with bottled water, potato chips, and various fruits. The trunk had three spare tires and extra tools.

Link wiped the sweat from his forehead and chuckled uncontrollably. He was so excited about the road-trip, but he was even more excited about the Gaming Convention. There was a special thing that was waiting for him at that convention, and he would see it soon.

"Well, time to find Snake," Link stated.

– _**In the Kitchen –**_

Sheik was at the stove watching over her kettle of tea. It was taking longer than expected, but she knew that this tea would have the best taste of them all.

"Ah, yes," she cooed in a sultry tone.

Right when the timer went off, she could barely contain her excitement. She quickly poured herself a cup and took in the wonderful sweet scent. It was truly heavenly. She dropped in two sugar cubes, but she realized that she had forgotten her spoon.

She walked over to the kitchen cabinet and pulled out the utensil she was looking for, but when she turned around, a horrible sight was beseeched upon her. Snake was drinking her cup of tea!

"Ah, that's good stuff," Snake sighed.

All the Sheikah could do was stare in disbelief. All of her hard work... gone in an instant.

"Snake... that was mine," she coldly stated. "Do you know how long that took me to make?!"

He really did not pay the girl any mind. He finished the tea and placed the cup down gently.

"Well, it _was _very good," Snake teased.

The nerve of some people. Sheik wanted to rip the spy's heart out and eat it in front of him, but an extra cup sat right next to him.

Snake shrugged his shoulders and mused "Don't worry, I saved you some."

All of her anger and hatred had vanished as quickly as it appeared. If it wasn't for her mask, Snake would have seen a very gleeful Sheik, and no one is prepared for that.

"Thank you, Snake. Now hand it here, please," she politely asked.

Snake let out a sigh and reached for the cup, but it was not in its previous position.

"What the hell? It was just here. What could have...?" he pondered before a slurping sound caught his attention. He turned around and saw his Hylian friend drinking the last cup of tea.

"Man, that's good stuff!" Link exclaimed.

For the second time today, Sheik's hopes and dreams shattered like a fragile mirror. It was possible for her to forgive this misdeed once, but to forgive it twice would have an insult to herself and tea-lovers everywhere.

Snake saw the vengeful look in the woman's eye. So he quickly grabbed the elf and ran out of the kitchen.

"Hey!" Link yelled, clearly startled by the situation. "What's the big idea?!"

"I'm keeping us alive, that's what!" Snake barked.

"From what?!" Link asked just before Sheik burst out of the kitchen with several butcher knives in her hand. "Oh... that. What should we do?"

"Run like hell!" Snake replied before he dropped the Hylian and continued his retreat. Link rolled for a few seconds before he finally came to stop.

"Oh, come on. I'm sure she's not that mad," the Hylian said before a knife flew right by him, barely missing his face in the process. "Okay, I can take a hint. TO THE BATMOBILE, ROBIN!!"

– _**Several Hours Later – *Snake and Link are Returning from the Convention***_

Well, the two men barely escaped from the wrath of the Sheikah. Link was asleep in the passenger seat and Snake was driving. The spy quietly loathed the start of the day, but things had gotten better since then. Despite nearly being gutted like a fish, Snake felt at ease now.

The Gaming Convention was quite interesting, and Link found what he was looking for. It turns out Link wanted a Mei Ling doll. He thought the spy's teammate was so cute that he wanted something to remember her by. Snake thought it was silly, but that does not come close to the 'thing' he had got for himself.

However, that same ominous feeling kept haunting over Snake. Something did not seem right, but he would get over it with time. Unfortunately, after dealing with Sheik and several hours of driving, Snake needed to rest for a while. He pulled over to the side of the road and tapped his passenger on the shoulder.

"Huh?" Link stirred just as he let out a yawn. "Are we there already?"

"Nah, but I need you to take it from here. Our destination is only a few minutes away, so you won't have to drive far," Snake said.

"B..but I... uh," Link stammered. He tried to protest on the manner, but when Snake got out of the car, Link knew his arguments would have been futile. The Hylian merely sighed in defeat and made his way for the driver's seat.

"Okay, Link. Just a few miles along the road," Snake muttered before he fell into a brief slumber.

"_Ah, how hard can it be? Snake made it look easy, so it can't be too bad," _Link thought as he stared at both pedals. He thought about it for several seconds, but he threw his doubts to the side and slammed the gas pedal to the floor, causing the engine to roar loudly.

Oddly, the car did not move at all. What was he doing wrong?

"Put it in drive, moron," Snake groaned in his sleep.

"Oh, right. I knew that," he chuckled before he placed the car in drive.

Then, it finally happened. Snake knew what had been troubling him. He quickly jumped up and asked, "Link! Do you have your driver's license?"

The elf sheepishly grinned and replied, "Are you kidding? This is my first time driving!"

Just before Snake could try and stop the elf, Link slammed the gas pedal for a second time. This time, however, the car sped off at a dangerous speed, nearly flying off the road and into the forest.

Link somehow avoided every tree and animal in his path, but he was still going at a much too dangerous pace. His foot was glued to the acceleration and it seemed that Snake was more than worried.

"Hit the brakes already!" Snake yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Huh? Which one's the brake?" Link asked just before he struck a deer.

"It's the one next to the gas pedal! Hit the brakes!!" the spy replied.

"Uh..." Link stammered. "Is it bad if the brakes stop working?"

Snake could do nothing but feel completely helpless. "Well, I guess we're going to die then."

Link had a puzzled look on his face, but it was quickly replaced with one of surprise. "Hey, there's the Headquarters."

"Oh, great. We're going to die _and _we're going kill a lot of people in the process. Just wonderful," the spy stated in a sarcastic manner.

"Oh, don't be so gloomy, Snake. I happen to have a plan," Link replied. "You see Donkey Kong right over there?"

Snake quickly caught sight of the great ape. He was enjoying a banana and did not notice the speeding vehicle approaching him.

"Yeah, why?" Snake slowly asked.

"Just watch this," Link responded before he did something completely outrageous. "Hey, Donkey Kong! I need a favor, big guy! Can you find a way to stop this car?"

The gentle giant slowly raised his head and smiled at the elf. Almost immediately, the gorilla starting swinging his left arm, signifying that he was charging up his signature Giant Punch.

"Link, have you realized what you have done?" Snake calmly asked.

"Well, yeah. Donkey Kong's going to use his super strength to stop us. Easy!" Link smugly replied, but he got a cold stare from Snake for his troubles.

"Let me ask you this- How much does Donkey Kong's Giant Punch hurt during a brawl match?"

"Um... a lot. Why?" the elf asked as he scratched his head.

"We're driving at one-hundred miles per hour, and we're going to _collide _with that fist. Think of it as a Giant Fist TIMES ONE-HUNDRED!!" Snake exclaimed.

"Huh, I didn't think about that," Link confessed.

Snake placed his hand on his forehead and sighed, "I'm sure..."

– _**Two Days Later – In the Smash Bros HQ Medical Room**_

Well, Donkey Kong's Giant Punch worked. However, the impact was enough to shatter the car into a million pieces (as well as every bone in Snake and Link's body). Sure enough, both men had to be wrapped from head to toe with bandages.

For Snake, it was truly embarrassing, but for Link, it was no big deal. His Mei Ling doll had survived the explosion, and Snake's 'thing' had made it through as well. Despite being in a human body cast, Link was able to smile. Snake let out a desolate groan. What on earth could that elf be smiling about?

"Hey, Snake," Link called out. "I got an idea!"

The spy gave the elf a blank expression. "What?"

"For our next road trip, let's go to the Grand Canyon!" Link cheered.

--

It was such a beautiful day, and young Sheik was finally enjoying her spot of tea. Unfortunately, the sound of broken glass disrupted her momentary peace. That would not stop her though. She simply shrugged her shoulders and took another sip of her tea.

Unfortunately, that would come back to haunt the young Sheikah. Before she knew it, something had landed violently on her, nearing knocking her out in the process. Sheik could only watch her beautiful tea sink into the ground helplessly.

Anger quickly filled her being. That's was the third cup of tea that she had lost today. Enough was enough. She was going to kill whoever was responsible for this treason.

It was then that she noticed exactly what had landed on her. The being was in a full body cast, but she quickly recognized the messy blond hair on the person's head.

"Man," Link groaned slightly, "he could have just said 'no'. He didn't have to throw me out of the window."

"Link?!" Sheik called out in a fit of rage.

The Hylian turned his head and saw a very angry Sheik. "Oh. Hi, Sheik. How's it going?"

--

Snake held his aching ribs. Link was much heavier than he thought with that body cast. When the spy looked out of the window, he saw Sheik strangling Link while she was screaming about her tea. Then, a silent smirk escaped the spy's face. He reached into his shopping and pulled out a doll of a princess. The mini brunette had large blue eyes and wore a beautiful dress.

Turns out it was a Zelda doll.

_"Seems like that road-trip will have to wait."_

_**Well, that's the end. Who knows? There may be a sequel. Either way, I hoped you guys enjoyed this one. Peace out**_


End file.
